Part 3: Now
A love that was supposed to last a lifetime.
“Alright Taryn, I must say you’re doing great. Our sessions have turned into catch-ups. You clearly have been using the tools we learned over the past couple years.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“Girl, I would never break up with you, but you do not need to keep paying for therapy right now. You can come back whenever you want, but you’re doing just fine.”
“When I write my life story, I’ll give you your credit.”
Two years later…
She spent half of her twenties in therapy, working with psychiatrists, health coaches, diving into the legendary bell hooks, and so much more. These small, but necessary actions, prepared her for this time period. Though in reality, all the healing, the books, music, and self-care couldn’t possibly provide her all answers. It would take time.
Alone is her preferred state of being. She is deeply in love with her friendships, but her space and silence is what feeds her soul. So, she unnaturally decided to go against her comfort zone. Fortunately, it turned out to be worth it.
The first several months following The Beginning, she surrounded herself with people that brought her peace. No, actually joy. They were in awe of her transition, spoiled her with housewarming gifts, accompanied by compliments of her strength, her tenacity, and ensured her she didn’t look like what she was going through. Ain’t that a blessing.
They spoke life back into her, reminding her that she is so deserving of love. Love that’s so strong it hurts so good. They were the light on her darkest days.
I just want you to know that all I ever want is for you to be safe, loved, and happy. Regardless of what that looks like. Recalling that time for you. I’m so proud of how you get through. You said it took longer than it should’ve but at the end of the day, you chose yourself. You never deserved that pain. I love you. I’m so glad to have you.
~ A text from her best friend.
All ties were cut loose between her and him. It was the only way. It took months, but she found herself shifting from hatred to wishing him well from afar. Very, very far away. Her heart doesn’t carry hate or hurt anymore. Love comes and goes, and there’s gratitude in that sentiment.
She’s gracious for lessons learned. Proud of her heart not breaking after being open for so, so long. Despite it all, she’s able to recognize her deepest desires, wants and needs, and more importantly, she’s madly, selfishly in love with herself.
The Universe shows the smallest of signs, almost so small she questions if she truly sees them or not. One day her mirrored reflection showed her that the tears don’t fall into her lap as often. Almost never. Waking up to swollen eyes was no more. When she moves, soft pitter-patter follows, her baby never far away. Their bond was always strong, but now they’re inseparable. In such a large city, she never runs into him, almost like there’s a shield of protection, letting her heart fully form again. There’s a childlike glimmer in her eyes, that disappeared for so long, she was unsure if it’d ever return.
The Universe is on her side in all ways.
They say time is precious, and expensive. You don’t know how real this is until you question yourself. “Did I waste it? Is it too late? What did I pass by?” New experiences, good days, and contentment tell her there’s no need to worry about the past. Everything, and what God has in store, will come back tenfold.
Life isn’t golden daily. Oh, she’s well aware of that. Gratitude allows time to slow for just a minute longer. It allows her to soak in this newfound softness, breathe it in.
She extended the promise to God. Promising to follow his lead, protect her heart from anything or anyone that attempts to tear her down. Listen more, not to words, but actions. That promise? It continues to feed her every day and show her that the leap of faith was priceless.
She’s me. I’m her.
I’m drowning in love, refusing to come up for air anytime soon. I’m finding peace in the uncertainty and giving grace to what was left behind. I speak more, who would’ve thought. I make room for friends more than ever. I soak up this alone time, that I was once afraid of, as if it’s the only time I’ll ever have again. I share nothing but truth to anyone I encounter, including you.
Above all, The End and The Beginning dictated exactly who I’m meant to be Now.
“Do you miss it? Ever wonder what life would be if you…”
“Not even a little.
